


Happy New Us

by imincharge



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anya x Monopoly, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Lexa is a lawyer, McDonald's Meme, Parent-Child Relationship, Single Parents, soft clexa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-08 08:53:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13454790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imincharge/pseuds/imincharge
Summary: When Anya invites Lexa to spend the summer with her, she can’t say no. It has been one year since Gustus (her father) died leaving Lexa to take care of her siblings - Aden and Madi - and her life is still upside down. All she needs is a moment to rest. What she doesn’t expect is to find a familiar face in this distant town.basically soft clexa + they taking care of kids and learning to be moms





	1. the past

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a mother with her kids saying goodbye to another woman and I thought: you know what? this could be a clexa au

It's the middle of the afternoon and Lexa is lost between the bookshelves, buried in books, holding the phone between her ear and shoulder. She hears it ringing, ringing and ringing without any answer. She's sure Anya is doing that on purpose. She can even hear her words, "You came all the way to this town to have a moment of peace, Lexa. I'll stay with the kids. Go out and have fun."

Have fun. The concept is easier than the reality. And this is how Lexa ended up finding this bookstore. Reading is fun, right?

It has been a long time since she finished a book - a real book, not a Parenting self-help book or some of the How To Avoid Killing Kids that saved her throughout the last year. So she made her way to a local bookstore, walked around its rustic, well-decorated space seeing what was new, and found a small cafe at the back. The moment she saw the cozy chair she new that spending her day nested there reading would be a dream. That's when she saw the children's books. 

Before the thought even came to her mind, Lexa knew what she was going to do. Madi is just starting to read, it's the perfect moment to introduce books. And Aden has been talking nonstop about this book series everybody is reading. Lexa knows she shouldn't be thinking about the kids right now but it's involuntary. It'd be the perfect crime if she remembered the name of the book Aden was talking about. Which she doesn't, and nobody is picking up the damn phone to help her. 

"Lexa?" She hears the answer but it isn't on the line. 

Lexa turns around to find someone she thought she'd never see again: Clarke Griffin. They first met at college during a networking event. Those special get together exclusive for the brightest students, or the richest. Clarke Griffin was both.

"You still owe me 20 bucks," Lexa says, hugging the books tighter in her arms. Her walls up in a second. It doesn't matter if her hair is a mess and her sweater smells like cereal (after one year of accidents she can't bother anymore), now she has turned into Lexa Woods, the lawyer. 

Clarke smiles, looking at the imposing woman, and leans against the nearest shelf. 

"I also still have your Ninja Turtles shirt," Clarke says, which is the exact thing that can disarm her. 

Lexa is taken aback by how everything in this exchange seems familiar. It's like nothing has changed. She stepped into a time vortex and traveled back to a common day in the college's library. Except that this Clarke carries herself with a quiet confidence, the one that only comes when you stop trying too hard to make an impression. This Clarke is comfortable in her own skin. Her eyes are gentle and relaxed as if she's having genuine pleasure in finding Lexa here. 

"It is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," Lexa corrects her. "And it wasn't mine."

"Yes, right. Of course."

They both know that Lexa is lying, as they knew back then. Lexa doesn't know why she was shy about her nerd interests but after she lied for the first time, saying the truth would require that she admitted that she tried to hide it in the first place. Too tiring. Lying is easier. 

"Why are you here anyway?" Lexa changes the topic. 

This is a city far, far away from New York, where she heard about the brilliant career of the young Doctor Griffin for the last time. Clarke closes her arms. 

"Being irresponsible, I guess," she says. "You?"

"Taking a break." 

Clarke laughs until she realizes that Lexa is saying the truth.

"Really? That's... that's new. I guess time has changed things."

"I guess you can say that."

Clarke raises her eyebrows.

"And how would you say?"

Lexa thinks about it. She tries to find an easy lie but the truth comes easier.

"Life, Clarke. I'm just tired and I want to..." she trails off. Lexa still doesn't know what exactly she wants. 

Clarke senses an impending internal crisis and changes the topic. 

"At least you found healthier ways of relaxing," Clarke says, looking at Lexa with a special glint in her eyes, one that makes Lexa feel warm. She isn't going to let that comment go, though. 

"Really, Clarke? Framing women having liberty and fun with their bodies as bad? We liked to have sex, what's the problem? And this is not even scientific accurately. Sex is a healthy way to relax. As a doctor, you should know that." 

The glint disappears from Clarke's eyes, being replaced by something else that passes as quickly as it came. Clarke opens a big, open smile as if nothing had happened. 

"Geez, I forgot how much I liked you," Clarke says, standing up straight and looking at the pile of books Lexa is carrying. "But you're right, I'm sorry. Can I redeem myself helping you with this, Ms. Woods?"

"No. Unless you know what is popular with 12-year-olds right now. Some new book series." 

Clarke smiles.

"You know me, I always have the taste of a 12-year-old." Clarke is joking but she pulls Lexa to another hallway and points to a book. Lexa recognizes the name as soon as she sees it. 

Clarke didn't even try to guess, she simply knew and then started talking about the characters with enthusiasm. She looks just like Aden. 

"I'm guessing these aren't for the same kid." Clarke points to the baby books in Lexa's arms. Her eyes are curious, scanning Lexa's face up and down trying to find an explanation to why Lexa Woods is buying books for kids. They never talked about this, but they both knew that having kids was pretty far on their to-do list. 

"No, they aren't. And I'm not sure which one I'll take," Lexa answers. For some reason, she doesn't want to talk more than this. 

"Well, you came to the right person. I'm all about picture books." 

"Yeah?" Lexa asks as Clarke approaches to look what she's taking. 

"Yeah. Big fan." Clarke raises her eyes and they stare at each other. For far more time than it's appropriate. If it were 8 years ago, Lexa would have kissed her. 

Then Lexa would have kissed the tiny dot near Clarke's lips, and her lips and she would feel Clarke smiling against her mouth. Lexa would already be thinking about the "no" and excuses to stop Clarke from leading her to some dark corner in the library, as she'd get more lost and lost in their kisses. One hour later they'd get out of the library with red mouths and new marks hidden under their disheveled clothes. Great honor students. 

Nobody knew about them. What they used to have was easy, and theirs. An oasis of magic as they built their promising futures. Lexa realizes that this is why she doesn't want to talk about her messy life right now, she doesn't want to tarnish this brief passage through the past. 

So when Clarke leads her to another shelf and they spend hours talking about books, she lets it happen. 

"I have to tell you, I never expected to find you here, buying books for kids," Clarke says. "Is this some kind of charity or you, you know..."

"Would that be a problem?" 

"No, not. Of course not. It's just not what I expected."

"The answer is no, Clarke. I didn't have kids," Lexa says. It's not completely a lie. 

"Right."

"If what you really want to know is if I'm single, you should have just asked."

Clarke opens her mouth to answer but finds herself completely disarmed. She smiles, and tries to contain it, then hides her hands in her pockets and looks away. For once, she simply doesn't know what to do with herself. 

"I am single," Lexa says to save Clarke from her struggle. "And I'll pay for these books."

Clarke nods, watching her go. One second later she's running after Lexa.

"Wait, take this too." She hands Lexa a book. "This one is for you."

Lexa smiles and accepts it. She was there to find something for herself, anyway. And it seems like she found it.

After paying, she finds Clarke standing near the entrance of the bookstore, looking at the afternoon crowd walking outside. The yellows and oranges of the sun fall in shapes everywhere on the street. 

 

"You've been reading a lot," Lexa says stopping by her side. 

"The good part about stories is that you don't need to live in the real world for a while," Clarke says, with a tired smile. 

She has lines around her eyes now, Lexa likes this. There are all these new details about her. It's like seeing someone you always knew and a different person at the same time. Refreshing and comfortable.

"I could tell you more at dinner tonight," Clarke says. 

"Why not coffee right now?" 

"Always straight to what she wants." Clarke smiles. "I'm glad this hasn't changed, but I can't."

"I've never been straight anything, Clarke," Lexa says, allowing herself to smile at her own silly joke. "And unfortunately, I can't have dinner." She has two kids waiting for her, and she promised that she'd be back to spend some time with them.

Clarke stops for a moment, and Lexa sees in her eyes what she's thinking about. This is too familiar. When they used to spend time together, they were always struggling to fit their schedules. 

"You're right, some things haven't changed," Lexa says, making Clarke smile.

"But I do want to see you again if Your Majesty has some time to spare with us, mere mortals." 

"Says the person who just denied my coffee invitation. I'd be more than happy to meet you again and catch up. I bet you have a lot to tell me, Doctor Griffin."

Clarke looks like she wants to say, or do, something. Lexa waits for it but they're interrupted by a man.

"Clarke, can you stop flirting with everybody for a second?" he says as he passes them and goes out of the bookstore. "Come on, the truck is here," he screams from outside.

"Who..." Lexa starts to say.

"I have to go," Clarke interrupts her. "What about dinner tomorrow?"

"I can't. Dinners are off the table for me."

"Shit. Hm. Give me your phone."

Lexa gives it to her and Clarke sends a message to her own number. 

"Nice. So..." Clarke starts. 

"Until... we meet again." 

Clarke smiles and nods. She seems hesitant to move at first, then she runs after the guy. 

Lexa keeps looking at the empty sidewalk outside even after Clarke disappears. She's not sure what she's feeling right now. Clarke Griffin was the last thing on her mind until today, now she finds herself wishing that their meeting had lasted longer. It's a warm, bubbly feeling that makes she feel at ease. But Lexa Woods isn't someone that spends her time wishing for something that she can't have, so she makes her way back to the cafe and, after ordering a coffee and a muffin, she sits with her new book to read. Eager to see what Clarke recommended. 

Before starting, she checks her phone to see if everything is okay with the kids. There are three new notifications. 

The first is a message from Anya with a picture of Aden and Madi playing in the pool and the message written on it is: "They're alive."

The second is the first message that Clarke sent to her own phone, it says "hjidsajs" because apparently she didn't bother writing anything, and it's stupid but it makes Lexa smile. 

And the third is a new message from Clarke, this time with actual words:

"It was good to see you. :)"

 

\-----------------------------------

 

It's time to sleep and Lexa is already in bed, waiting for Madi to finish brushing her teeth in the bathroom. Aden is playing on his phone. They're sharing the bed in the guest room of Anya's house, where they're staying until school starts again. 

They have been together for a year now. It was the fastest and longest year of Lexa's life. Kids seem to have the power of turning every task into another, bigger task. She was so busy trying to keep up with them that she didn't see the time pass. Lexa used to always have a plan. Then one day she was alone celebrating a promotion in the apartment she bought with her own money, the next she was stepping on Lego at 3 AM while she was cleaning dirty socks in time for school. 

Now if she has time to think about anything, she uses it to sleep.

When Anya suggested that they should travel to her house and spend the summer there, she didn't need to say twice. 

This was a surprised for Anya, of course. They know each other since college. For the most part, Anya was a mentor for Lexa, and at some point, they became good friends. Anya moving to another city two years ago because of a job opportunity did little to change their relationship. Anya was used to Lexa determination, always trying to prove that she can handle herself, and she was good at it. Even after Gustus passed away, Lexa refused her countless offers to help. Until now.

"Don't say anything," it was the first thing Lexa said to Anya, a few days ago when she arrived with the kids. 

Anya just had opened her door to find a completely disheveled Lexa that somehow managed to have the super strength of carrying bags and a sleepy 6 years old girl on her hips, while a young boy behind her pushed a wheeled suitcase and carried McDonald's takeout bags. 

"I wasn't going to say anything," Anya said giving space so they could come inside. 

After making sure the kids properly greeted Anya and thanked her for letting them stay there, Lexa put Madi on the floor and let the kids run to the table to eat. 

"Wait for your sister," Lexa said to Aden. 

The boy actually listened to her. Aden stopped, turned around and grabbed Madi's small hand to lead her to the table like the good big brother he is. 

"You're doing a good job," Anya said to her. Lexa shook her head.

"No, this is all Gustus." 

Anya looked at the kids eating together at the table. Aden even folded back her tablecloth and was opening the ketchup for Madi. The little girl was completely lost in her own world, playing with a toy, her feet dancing in the air because the chair is too high for her. Then Anya looked back at Lexa and it dawned on her that they didn't see each other for almost two years. 

The Lexa in front of her is more like a woman now. There's a new sharpness to her features. It's funny because Lexa used to make an effort to look taller, smarter, more imposing, and Anya always thought that Lexa was good at it, but now just standing there smelling like McDonald's grease with a heavy baby carry-on on her shoulder, while her dark, tired eyes watched the kids, she made her old self look like a kid playing pretend. And she wasn't even trying. 

"It makes them quiet," Lexa confesses, in a low tone.

"What?" 

"McDondalds," Lexa explains. "It makes them quiet for a while."

And at this moment Anya understood why Lexa couldn't have denied her invitation. Anya pulled Lexa and forced her into a hug, she didn't care if Lexa wasn't going to like it. It was what she needed.

Back to the present, Madi finished brushing her teeth and is back to the room bouncing like a fluffy rabbit wearing her new pajamas. She insisted that Lexa should buy a new one because apparently, someone in the kindergarten told her that pink was the right color for girls and she needed to prove them wrong, because of course. 

"Lexa, Lexa," Madi calls, jumping into the bed. Lexa reaches to make sure she won't fall. 

"What have I told you, Madi?" Lexa says, with a disapproving look. 

"Not now, Lexa," Madi says with a superior tone, stepping all over Lexa to sit on her lap, completely unaware of the pain she's causing. 

"Okay, what do you want now?" 

"Is it true that you are tired of us?"

Aden's eyes snap open at the same time that Lexa says, "What?"

"Madi, it's time to sleep!" Aden tries to pull their little sister to steal her attention but Madi is a stubborn little kid and finds a way all of his arms. 

"Aunt Anya said that you were," the girl insists.

Lexa makes a note to kill Anya. In the morning, after she had a good night of sleep.

"No, she didn't," Aden says. "Madi kept asking where you were all the time, Aunt Anya just said that you were tired and needed some time to yourself. She didn't say you were tired of us." He says it to Lexa but looks at Madi, as if he's lecturing her. Maybe he can convince a 6 years old but not Lexa. There's something in his eagerness to put an end to this conversation that triggered an alarm in Lexa's brain.

"It's okay, Aden," Lexa says. "It's time to sleep. Did you brush your teeth?"

Aden nods and they all find their place in the bed, tangled around each other. Madi in the middle, cuddled against Lexa side, and Aden close behind. They slept together like this during their first months together, so it's easy to fall into their old routine. It started with Madi after one day when the girl simply appeared in the middle of the night and plopped at her side. No questions asked. No regrets. Lexa wasn't even sure if Madi was there to sleep with her or to steal her bed. With Aden no, things with him were a bit more... complicated. 

He never asked. He never talked about it. There was only one time that he said something. 

Gustus had just died, Lexa had the two kids sleeping on the floor of her apartment. She had too much to think about. She needed to deal with the hospital, the funerary, the kids, the inventory, her work. At the same time, she pushed away all the feelings and thoughts that threatened to surface. Future? There was no future. Lexa was buried in the present, trying to avoid any thought beyond it. 

Then she went to check on the kids at night. Madi was already far gone, safe in her blissful innocence. Aden wasn't so easy to fool. He knew what happened with Gustus the moment he looked at her face after Lexa received the call. 

"Lexa?" He called that night. 

"Yes?" Lexa said, unsure of what he'd want. 

The truth was that they didn't know each other really well. Lexa was already in college when Gustus adopted him and Madi. They treated and accepted each other as siblings, but they never passed beyond that polite cordiality reserved to treat a nice family member that you only see once in a while. 

"Are we going back to school?" Aden asked.

"School?" Lexa asked, startled. At that point, school felt like something from another universe. "I don't know. You don't need to go if you don't want to," she said. "Unless you want to."

"It's not this, I mean... I don't know, nevermind." He turned on his bed and it could be over it, but Lexa lowered herself near him and touched gently his shoulder. 

"What? You can say it, it's okay."

"Are we going back to that school?"

Then she realized what he was really asking. One time, long ago, Lexa was also a foster kid. She knew what was jumping from house to house, not knowing where you'll be the next month. She knew how it felt to stare at the ceiling in the dark, slowly losing your faith in those gentle adults saying that this time it'll be different. Life is at its cruelest when kids start to worry about their life because nobody else will. Fortunately, Lexa had found Gustus. He adopted her and proved to Lexa that she could have a father that would be there when she needed. 

Aden too. But then Gustus was gone. 

"Yes," Lexa answered. But it wasn't just a simple "yes." The way Lexa has said it carried the same power of a decisive statement in court. The word came down heavy, echoing between them as they struggled to grasp the magnitude of what that meant. Lexa didn't even know where Aden studied, or if she could afford the school. She hadn't planned for it. It didn't matter, though. She knew that this was right. "You'll stay with me from now on. You and Madi." 

"But..." Aden starts. She can see the doubts, the anxiety. They're not blood-related. They didn't even grow up together. Lexa always treated the kids well, gave them fancy presents, but she didn't own them anything. She could walk away.

"This was not a question, Aden. You are my family and you'll be with me now." 

And that was it. As she stayed with Aden until he slept, she watched he shoulders relax. It felt peaceful and right, and there was a lot of incoming problems she didn't want to think about. She just needed to grab a bottle of wine and make an urgent call to Anya. Everything was fine. 

Or it'd be, eventually.

"I'm not tired of you," Lexa says in the dark bedroom, to the kids beside her. She can't see them but she knows that they're awake. It's one of the superpowers she gained after so many nights watching them fall asleep. "It's just...." Lexa tries to force her tired brain to explain it in a way that kids can understand. "I'm tired, in general."

"I'm never tired," Madi says, as a badge of honor and of course full of energy after playing the entire day. 

Lexa laughs and kisses the top of her head. 

"I know," Lexa says. "Adults get tired easily. Sometimes I just need to go out and..." 

"Do adult stuff," Aden helps her. Adult Stuff is how they made Madi understand that Lexa needed to go to work - or do anything that doesn't consist being by her side all day.

"Yes," Lexa says. 

"I hate adult stuff," Madi says, sinking her head in Lexa's body.

"Yes, but..." Lexa kisses the top of Madi's head and moves her away to get up. 

When Lexa turns on the lights she finds two pairs of curious eyes watching her every movement. 

"What?" Madi is already unwrapping herself from the blanket, ready to start a party at 11 AM. 

Lexa searches her bag and finds the wrapped books. Their eyes grow bigger when they see the wrapping paper. Lexa tries to contain a smile. There's nothing that they love more than presents. They don't even know what it is yet. 

"What it is it?" Madi asks.

Lexa goes back to bed and they gather around her, waiting for it. Madi is barely resisting the urge to jump ahead and grab it.

"I was waiting for a special moment but now is as good as ever." She gives them the books. "Sometimes adult stuff brings you this." 

Aden is the first to finish opening his present and he screams with happiness. Madi finishes one moment later and Lexa is pretty sure she doesn't know what the books are, but her brother was screaming so she screams her high-pitched scream too. Lexa laughs and hugs her, bringing Madi to her lap. 

"What's it, Lexa?" Madi asks, spreading her tiny fingers over the cover.

"It's a book," Lexa answers, helping her to open it. 

Madi starts playing with the pages, pulling and passing her tiny hands on it. For a moment she's completely distracted there, enjoying her present even if she doesn't really know what she's supposed to do with it. 

Aden is completely lost in happiness, hugging and opening and dying and fangirling because of the books. Like a kid is supposed to be doing.

Clarke was right about this. 

Lexa takes a deep breath, enjoying the warm weight of this little human being on her lap, and the happiness and excitement of the boy. She never, in a million years, would have planned this for her life. And yet it's exactly what coming home feels like. 

 


	2. the future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can start by seeing the fanart I did based on the end of the last chapter: [(click here to see Lexa reading with the kids)](https://grintart.tumblr.com/post/170413550352/lexa-with-madi-and-aden-based-on-the-first-chapter)
> 
> anyway, i got caught up finishing another clexa fic. and dealing with my recently acquired addiction to critical role but... here you go!

"Are you going to sit there all day?" Anya asks, from the place on the ground with Madi where she's waiting for Aden to bring an old monopoly board. 

"Of course I won't," Lexa says but she would.

It has been two days since she met Clarke. Two days of trying to find a time to see each other again. As always, Clarke is still busy all the time. Sometimes it feels almost like she's avoiding Lexa. Was it her clothes? Did she somehow figure it out about the kids? Lexa shrugs it off knowing that it's her mind playing games with her, too much free time to overthink. She spent the last two days wandering around the city and she's not really looking forward to it today. 

"Maybe I could stay for the next round?" Lexa says when Aden arrives. 

"No!" Anya says.

"No!" Aden says.

"Yes!" Madi says and then, looking at the other two, "No!"

Anya smiles and messes with her hair. Just a week and she already won Madi. 

"Good girl," Anya says.

"You need to have your time, Lexa," Aden insists. "We'll be fine."

So this is how she's basically kicked out of the house and left alone to another afternoon in the streets. It's not entirely bad. This city is alive and peaceful at the same time. Kids run around freely. She passes by two old women throwing crumbs to birds. The light breeze carries the delicious smells coming from a food truck two blocks away. It takes some time to settle on this new normality. Make her brain stop worrying about laundry, homework, cases and clients. 

When Lexa spots the same bookstore from the other day, she decides to stop. She is almost finishing the book Clarke recommended, so she needs a new one. She inspects all the titles and cover designs, trying to find something that would cause a spark of curiosity, and every time she finds herself wishing Clarke was there.

Lexa opens the message app on her phone. 

Lexa: Any other book you would like to suggest?

Clarke doesn't answer. She's not even online. They haven't spoken since last afternoon. 

Lexa sighs and decides to find a book herself. As soon as she opens the door of the store, a voice becomes audible, "I'm going to watch it, dude. I swear. I just ended up sleeping."

"Is this how you call binge-watching The Good Place these days?" The girl on the cash desk answers whoever was talking, then she spots Lexa. "Hey, Clarke, time to work."

"Just a minute," Clarke answers, a second later she appears from one of the hallways carrying a pile of books. "I have to-" She stops when she sees Lexa.

For a moment, Lexa thinks Clarke will run away. Instead, Clarke carelessly leaves the book on the nearest table, without even paying attention to the ones below, and walks towards her.

"Hm, Hi," Clarke says.

"You... work here?" Lexa asks.

"Yeah."

"But you're a doctor." 

Clarke laughs.

 

"No, I'm not." 

"So you own a bookstore now?" Lexa is trying to make sense of it. Part of her knows that there's nothing to make sense. Clarke is there, wearing the same blue t-shirt and jeans from the other day, which, now Lexa realizes, is the same shirt the cashier is wearing. Is just doesn't feel right. This is like falling into a hole and waking up in another reality. 

"No, I don't even know the owner. I just have a regular job here. Nothing special, or brilliant." Clarke nods to the cashier. "Even her job is better than mine," she says, which grants her a grumpy "shut up, clarke" from the other girl. 

Lexa presses her lips into a thin line. She doesn't know what to think of it. Maybe they just have... a lot to catch up. 

"Aren't you going to run away?" Clarke asks. 

"No. Why would I?" Lexa frowns. 

"Really?" Clarke raises her eyebrows as if it's impossible to believe. 

"No, Clarke. Have I ever ran away from anything?" 

"Bees," Clarke says, then when she's met with a sharp, impatient look, she adds, "Okay, no. But I know you. Or knew you. You'd never lose time with anyone..." She bites her lips, looking down at herself. 

"I guess we'll have to see." 

"Lexa..."

"Try me, Clarke." 

Clarke looks at the piles of books she left behind, then at the cashier and back at Lexa. 

"You know what? Fuck it." She grabs Lexa's hand. "Raven, I'm going to take my break right now and... my day off too."

"That's not how it works, Clarke," Raven says, leaning on the balcony as if she's about to run after them. "Do you remember I recommended you for this job, right?" She screams after them. 

"Love you too!" Clarke screams back. 

Back at the streets, Lexa feels like a teenager escaping to do something dangerous, the thrill of walking away making her blood rush. At least this is how she imagines rebellious teenagers would feel, at that age she was too busy being the honor student to know. This is completely new. The pressure of Clarke's hand against hers is the nicest thing she ever felt - and she's quite familiar with the feel of that hand. 

"You know, we could have waited," Lexa says. 

"And risk you running away? No." 

"I'm not-"

"Shhh. Let's just enjoy this moment. We are two women walking down the street, hand in hand, nothing more than this." She adjusts their fingers and smiles at Lexa. 

"So where are we going?" 

"You're really bad at doing nothing, aren't you?" 

Lexa doesn't answer, she simply keeps walking and allows Clarke to lead her. They walk two more blocks until Clarke suddenly stops without saying anything. And then continues to stand there in silence. 

Lexa does her best to wait but there's so much she can do. 

"Is this suppose to mean something or-"

"No, I'm just thinking if I... should kiss you right now before I ruin everything."

"You should always kiss me. But why would you ruin anything, Clarke?" 

"Wait, what?"

"Why would you ruin anything?"

"No, what you said before that." 

"I didn't say anything." Lexa looks at Clarke, daring her to say something. A shadow of a smile takes over Clarke's blue eyes.

"Okay," Clarke says, then looks down at their intertwined fingers. "It's just that ruining things seems to be my specialty. Haven't you seen what I just did to Raven?"

"What you did was..." Lexa thinks about it, then she remembers what Clarke said the other day. "It was irresponsible." 

Clarke nods, "See?"

"But I'm glad you did." Lexa pulls her closer. "I don't know what happened during these years but I'd like to know who you are now."

"I'd like this too." Clarke rests her body against Lexa. It has been so long since they have been this close. 

Back at college, what they had was never special. It was good, yes. Lexa always was attracted to Clarke. But she can't even remember the last time they kissed, or how they said goodbye - if they ever did. For all the work they put into building their futures, Lexa never thought about a future for them. Together. 

"Where were you planning to take me?" Lexa asks, completely aware of how Clarke's eyes were on her lips just a second ago. 

"I didn't plan anything." Clarke laughs at her own words and looks up, to the building behind them. "This is my house but I don't know if you'd want to..." 

Lexa interrupts her with a kiss. It's a quick, small kiss on the lips, and then she pulls Clarke towards the gates. 

"Let's go, then."

Clarke's apartment is the smallest apartment Lexa has ever seen. Besides the living room, there's only a bathroom and a kitchen. It looks like she's sleeping on the couch, and a nice suitcase is opened near the wall exposing a bunch of clothes. Clarke rushes to clean the only table from the old takeout boxes. 

"I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting anyone," Clarke says. 

"It's okay. It's not that different from your old dorm room," Lexa says, which is a lie and they know this. Clarke's old room was paid by her parents and she had one of the nicest places in college. Everything, from the big bed at the center to her own minifridge screamed money. This entire apartment probably is the size of her old bed. The only similarity was the mess of clothes on the ground. 

When Clarke comes back from the kitchen, she says, "It's kind of temporary. I'm trying to save money while I... Well, I have no idea of what's going to happen, so yeah."

"Smart."

"I'd call it desperate."

"Your parents-"

"My dad is dead." 

Lexa didn't know many personal things about Clarke but she knew how much she looked up to her father. They even had dinner together once, which is extraordinary considering that they weren't more than a casual thing. 

"I'm sorry, Clarke." 

Clarke shakes her head and waves her off.

"I'm fine. It has been a few years, life goes on," she says it without looking at Lexa, taking her time to sit on the couch, then quickly changes the topic. "And my mom wasn't really happy when her daughter decided that being a doctor wasn't for her."

"I thought it was your dream."

"I thought it too. Then... I don't know. I think that when I was in college I still had hope that things would change, and then I started really working and it dawned on me that this would be my life forever. And I didn't want to."

"So you dropped everything and moved to this town."

"No, I was miserable for years until it was too much and I simply ran away."

Lexa nods and pauses to let everything sink in. Her words. The room around her. This new Clarke. For their younger selves, this is the very definition of failure. She sees the shame on Clarke's shoulder. Now she gets why Clarke was afraid that Lexa would run away. She would. She wouldn't waste her time with someone with so much baggage. Someone that couldn't do the bare minimum to put their life together. It makes things complicated and she was always too focused on her goals to bother with complicated. Except that now she's a new Lexa too.

One that's just figuring out who she is or where she wants to go. One that, she realizes, doesn't want to run away or hide her own new life because her past-self wouldn't understand. This Lexa looks at Clarke and she doesn't see failure. She sees someone brave enough to fight for a better life. Someone that admits a mistake, and tries to find a solution. In a completely unexpected way, she sees the girl that she heard about in college and back then made her anxious to put a face to the name.

She also sees pain, in a way she never allowed herself to feel. 

Lexa surprises herself by going to sit next to Clarke. 

"What was that tv show you were talking about earlier?" Lexa stretches her legs over the center table that only seems to be used for this purpose, ever, and grabs a blanket that was abandoned there. 

"Runaways," Clarke says, watching her from the distance. 

"Never heard of it."

"Raven said it's gay."

"You got me on gay," Lexa says and holds the blanket up for Clarke. "Aren't you coming?"

Clarke is still suspicious but they both know she'd never refuse a good night under the blankets with a great woman watching tv shows. She grabs her notebook and settles next to Lexa. Their bodies resting against each other. 

"We haven't talked about you," Clarke says. "I know you weren't a candidate for president in the last elections, so I assume things are pretty slow for you too."

"I'm still a lawyer if that's what you want to know. And things are fine."

"How is Gustus?"

Lexa is surprised that Clarke even knows who Gustus is. She always has been a very private person. 

"He also passed away. It has been a year." 

"What?" Clarke turns to her, she opens her mouth to say something and then bites her lips. "I'm sorry, Lexa. How are you? And don't say fine." 

"I haven't really stopped to think."

Clarke rests her head back, crossing her hands on top of the stomach and looking at Lexa. 

"Do you want to think about it now?" Clarke asks. 

"No." Lexa looks at their reflection in the dark screen of the notebook, Clarke's eyes never leave her. "I don't know what I should think, or feel, about it."

Clarke nods. 

"There's no rush. I'll be here if you want to talk about it." 

"Will you?" Lexa turns to her. "You were avoiding me this week, weren't you?"

"Kind of," Clarke says. "Okay, yes. I was." 

"Please, don't do this again."

"I won't."

"Great." Lexa grabs her hand. She loves that it's small and smooth the way she remembers it. "Because I have an invitation for you."

Clarke's eyes widen, just a bit but it's still adorable.

"Yeah? What is it?" She asks. 

"Clarke, would you like to meet me for dinner tomorrow?"

 

\-----------------------------------

 

As the numbers change to 19:00, the bell rings. Lexa knows this because she was sitting on the couch near the door looking at the watch on her wrist. There's no way Clarke could be so punctual unless she was standing at the other side of the door waiting just like her. The idea makes Lexa smile. 

"Hey," Clarke says when she opens the door. She's standing there with a shy smile and flowers in her hands. Beneath her blue jacket, she's wearing a familiar Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt. When Lexa looks up, there's nothing of shyness on Clarke's smile. 

"Come on in," Lexa says, pretending that she didn't notice the shirt. Clarke stops in front of her instead.

"These are for you." Clarke offers the bouquet, it's an arrangement of tiny blue flowers and green leaves. Lexa realizes that she never received flowers before. Not even from Clarke. 

"Thank you," Lexa says, bringing the flowers close to her chest. "Dinner is ready."

"The smell is good." Clarke smiles and looks around the room, her curious eyes taking in every detail. Anything the could help her to understand who Lexa is now.

Unfortunately for her, Anya decorates her house just like Lexa: minimalist, clean, practical. The white walls are empty and the only sign of personality is the leather couch. That and the pile of board games at the side. This is what gets Clarke's attention, but also Lexa's. They don't have as many boardgames. The top box is a shiny brand new monopoly box that Lexa has never seen before. She makes a mental note to ask Anya about that later.

Clarke's quiet laugh brings Lexa back. She searches for the source of Clarke's amusement and finds Madi marching into the living room as if the girl didn't spend the last hour being told to wait in the bedroom. Lexa knew Anya wouldn't hold them for too long. 

When Madi spots Lexa, she freezes knowing that she's in trouble, a fear that passes as soon as her curious eyes find Clarke. Madi completely forgets that she was supposed to fear anything and starts walking towards them again. 

"Who is this adorable girl?" Clarke asks, leaning ahead to be at her level. 

"You sound like a grandma," Madi says, looking unimpressed, but she goes to stand by Lexa's leg, touching her thigh, which is her way of being insecure. Lexa puts a hand on her back to comfort the little girl.

"That's because I am a grandma," Clarke says, standing up again and putting a hand on her back with an exaggerated expression. It's not even entirely an act, her back is already hurting because she is goddamn old. 

"No, you're not," Madi says matter-of-factly. 

"I am. In fact, I am your grandma." Clarke says it with such a confidence that, for once, the girl doubts. 

Madi looks up to Lexa, trying to figure out what she should believe. Lexa is stoic as always, trying to be neutral on this exchange. She has never seen Madi be outsmarted in her own game. 

"Is she, Lexa?" Madi asks, pulling the fabric of her pants to ask for attention. Lexa can't resist after this and pulls Madi to her lap, kissing her cheek.

"Of course not, Madi. Clarke is just teasing you," Lexa says. 

Clarke starts laughing and Madi scowls at her, which Clarke imitates, of course. 

Then Aden runs into the room.

"Madi!" He says when he spots the little girl who escaped. Then he sees Clarke and realizes that it's too late. Anya appears a second later and she simply shrugs when she sees the scene.

Clarke looks between all of them as if she's trying to fit a puzzle. 

"You're... not married, right?" Clarke asks Lexa.

"For fu-" Anya stops looking at the kids- "forks sake, who's she?" She talks to Lexa as if Clarke isn't even there. 

When Lexa announced that they were having someone for dinner, Anya didn't give much thought, now that Clarke was here... I mean, who would think that Lexa is married?

 

"Clarke Griffin, I told you," Lexa says, patiently.

"Yes, but-" Anya makes an expression that says "am I supposed to know?" then it dawns on her. "Oh. Clarke Griffin, the Clarke Griffin?"

"Yes."

"Am I supposed to know what is happening?" Clarke asks. 

"Sorry, Clarke." Lexa turns to her. "No, I'm not married. These are my siblings-" Lexa makes them introduce themselves- "and they're with me since Gustus passed away."

"And I'm Anya, I mentored Lexa during college. Lexa said we've met before but I don't remember you."

"I don't remember too," Clarke says, even though she does remember Anya.

Lexa puts Madi on the ground.

"So let's eat, then," she says.

During the night, Clarke seems a bit out of place, like someone else watching a movie on tv. Madi makes a mess with the food and at one point try to start a food war, Lexa sighs and tells Clarke she's trying to show off for her. "You've created a monster," Lexa tells Clarke. Aden is a quiet boy and doesn't say or do more than he's asked. He even eats vegetables without complaining once. But he secretly smiles when Anya and Lexa start to argue about something they saw on the news. And Lexa, she's there. Quiet, tired, full of contained smiles and an underlying pleasure seeing Clarke watching them. 

There are so many things she didn't know about Lexa and all the answers were there, in a way she never expected. 

Not even when they were at college Clarke knew this much about her. Lexa's family, her dreams, or even when she had tired nights or weak moments. Now Clarke realizes that when Lexa had a real problem, she went to Anya. Back then Clarke thought Lexa was just unbreakable. It was inspiring to see this woman that could have a night of amazing sex and wake up 7 AM to run before class. Lexa was always so confident, it was intoxicating. At that point, Clarke used to think she was unbreakable too, and this is why they worked so well together. 

Now this feels like a far, far, far away dream. A mirage. This reality has kids pretending they're scientists by mixing any liquids they found around the table, and Lexa's sweater pressed against her side and they don't even hide that they pushed their chairs together. Anya couldn't care less. She sips on her wine and talks about her life there, how it was moving alone to another city and starting in a new place. Clarke fills in with her own experience and she realizes that, for once, she doesn't feel the shame or fear that followed her throughout the last year. Lexa and Anya together look like they could kill someone, but maybe it's exactly their sharp edges, honest truths or simply their disregard for other people's lives, that makes her feel so comfortable. 

"I really don't know what I'm doing," Clarke says. "I've spent so much time doing whatever my mother wanted that I'm still trying to make sense of what I like, or what I think I should like because all of the years doing it."

"Just take some time heal yourself," Anya says. "If you have that money saved, do it. You don't need to force yourself to make any decision right now."

"She's a really good mentor, I get it now," Clarke says to Lexa.

"I know," Anya answers. "But really, Clarke. It's okay to have some time for yourself," she says these words looking at Lexa. 

"Okay, got it," Lexa says. "I think someone mentioned something earlier about playing monopoly..." The phrase is a magic spell that wakes up both kids from their quiet play, and surprisingly Anya too. 

"Finally," Aden says, which is his first sign of dissatisfaction with anything in the night. 

"Don't think I'm not seeing you run away," Anya says, then finishes her wine and puts the empty glass on the table with more force than needed. "But for now, I'll finish you all on monopoly."

"You won't win Lexa," Aden says, getting up with Anya to go to the living room. 

"She will," Madi says going after them. 

Lexa laughs and shakes her head. 

"We're going to play with the kids... for the kids, right?" Clarke says, resting one hand on her leg. 

"At this point, I'm not sure." Lexa turns, and their noses almost touch. It's a surprise. A good surprise. And Lexa doesn't think twice when she leans on and let their noses touch. 

It's a small gesture, caressing Clarke's skin and feeling her heavy breath. It makes Lexa hum with delight. This is the type of thing that they'd never do in college. 

Clarke grabs Lexa by the collar and presses their foreheads together. 

"Thank you," Clarke murmurs. "Thank you for inviting me, for let me in, for let me be a part of it." 

Lexa kisses her lips. Lexa pulls Clarke's bottom lips between hers and kisses it because there are no words to explain how she feels about Clarke right now, or how she wants to make Clarke feel. Lexa holds her face and pulls Clarke to a full, slow kiss. One that makes her body warm, bright, alive. One that leaves Lexa wanting to grab her hips and push their bodies together. Even when they stop to breathe, Lexa doesn't want to let go.

"There's something I almost forgot," Clarke says, and bites Lexa's lip because it's all she can do to stop herself from kissing her again.

"What?" 

Clarke needs to push aside Lexa's hand that somehow ended up on her hips, over her pocket and then grabs a bill from inside. 

"Your 20 bucks," Clarke says. 

Lexa smiles. Their faces are still so close. Their eyes seem lost between themselves. The lips forming a smile, the exposed skin on the neck, the special glint in their eyes. Lexa is all over Clarke, and it's hard not to fall and forget everything else. 

"The shirt I assume you'll keep for yourself," Lexa says, looking down. Seeing Clarke's cleavage wasn't at all the right decision. 

"I thought it wasn't yours," Clarke says. "But if you really want it back, you should take it."

"Later." Lexa grabs the hem of Clarke's shirt, as a promise. Clarke's eyes widen.

"Later? But the ki-"

"Later," Lexa repeats. Then she moves away, drinking the rest of her wine. 

Anya appears at the door. 

"Hey, can you have eye sex later? We have a game to play."

Lexa gets up and offers her hand to Clarke, who gladly takes it. 

They all sit on the floor of the living room to play. Anya is ruthless and unforgiving, even if she's playing with a 6 years old kid. Madi likes to be taken as a serious opponent, though. And when she loses really fast, Clarke suggests a society so they can play together. And for general misery, they win and become insufferable. They are worse than Anya - which Lexa learns has bought the best edition of monopoly for herself, and has decided that her life mission is to beat every kid in the neighborhood. Anya, of course, calls for a rematch. Aden, who used to be Anya's strongest opponent, has no chance with the three sharks playing together. Lexa notices when he starts to become quieter than usual and proposes a society with him. His eyes spark when he hears it and Aden jumps across the board to sit by her side and share all his strategies. Lexa knows she's completely lost when it's 3 AM and the kids are sleeping on the ground, and she's drinking a bottle of wine while fighting with Anya because of a questionable move in the game. 

There's this moment when she sees herself reflected in Clarke's eyes, in the easy smile on her face, and starts laughing. Anya rolls her eyes and curses them, while Clarke uses this opportunity to kiss her neck. And Lexa... Lexa is happy. 

 

\-----------------------------------

 

Clarke wakes to two big, curious eyes looking at her. 

"Good morning," Madi says. 

"Good morning, Madi," Clarke answers as the little girl climbs over her as if they haven't met just yesterday. 

"Everybody is sleeping," Madi says.

"And you? Do you want to sleep more?"

"No."

Clarke looks at the ceiling, thinking about her decisions in life. Last night, Clarke helped Lexa to carry the kids to the bed and then insisted that Lexa should go to sleep with them. Lexa tried to argue with Clarke, but she couldn't argue with the obscene amount of wine she consumed and ended up drifting off to sleep. Then Clarke gave herself permission to stay and slept on the couch. 

She doesn't have much time to think, though. There's a mini-human pressing her head against her chest trying to hear her heart because climbing on a stranger you just woke up to hear their heart beating is absolutely normal. 

"Clarke!"

"What?"

"You are alive," Madi concludes. 

"Yes." Clarke tries not to laugh. This is the more endearing thing someone has done to her. "I guess I am, kiddo."

"And I'm hungry," Madi announces, looking at Clarke. 

The clock on the wall says that only 4 hours have passed since Clarke went to sleep. And all she can think about is that yes, she's alive. 

 

\-----------------------------------

 

Hours later, Lexa wakes up to find everybody in the living room. Clarke is sitting on the couch lost in an excited conversation with Aden about books, Madi is forcing Anya to play with her dolls on the ground. The TV is on, this is why nobody hears when Lexa arrives and rests her back against the door frame, watching the scene from afar. It feels like a lazy Sunday afternoon, even if it's still Thursday. 

"Finally!" Madi says when she sees her. She forgets her dolls, Anya - everything, and runs to Lexa. 

"Lexa, you slept the whole day," Aden says as if it's some extraordinary feat. For Lexa, it might as well be. 

"You should've woken me up," Lexa says, grabbing Madi. 

"Nonsense," Anya says. "We handled it."

"Clarke made breakfast," Madi says.

"Breakfast," Aden repeats in a special tone that everybody seems to understand except Lexa. 

"Shut up." Clarke fake punches him, making Aden laugh. She adds, "Anyway, so I guess it's my time to go." 

Clarke is answered by a wave of protests. Even Anya seems sad but she gets up and calls the kids to go to the bedroom with her to... grab money to buy ice cream. Lexa thanks her with her eyes. 

"You look... awful," Lexa says to Clarke when they're alone, seeing the way she has dark shadows under her eyes and is wearing the wrinkled clothes from yesterday. Clarke goes to where Lexa is standing against the wall. 

"Thanks. You look incredibly well-rested."

"You didn't need to do this, you know?" 

"Yeah, I didn't. But I wanted to." Clarke grabs the hem of Lexa's shirt to pull her closer and kisses her. "And I waited to do this all day." 

"I'm sorry-"

"Please, stop. You looked like you needed to rest."

This time, Lexa kisses her as she grabs Clarke's hands and interlaces their fingers. 

"It's like this with the kids every day," Lexa murmurs.

"Am I crazy if I say that this is the best thing that happened to me in months?" 

"Well, I thought that the best thing was seeing me again but okay."

Clarke laughs and kisses her one more time, pressing Lexa against the wall. 

"If you keep being like this, I'll have to steal you," Clarke says.

Lexa smiles against her mouth and looks at the adorable woman in front of her. Now Clarke looks more happy than tired, with a lazy smile that makes her eyes brighter. Lexa tucks a few loose strands of hair behind Clarke's ear. It's like waking up in bed with her. Lexa still remembers how it was. Seeing the sun on her naked skin, kissing every spot where the light touched, and hearing Clarke's hoarse morning voice asking for more. 

"Why didn't we realize how good it was?" Lexa asks. 

"What?" 

"In college. We were so..."

"Afraid," Clarke says. "I have been spending a lot of time thinking about it. We used to waste so much time on things that didn't matter. We were afraid of the future, of the world, of us."

"We did what we could do." Lexa runs her fingers across Clarke's skin, exploring the edges of her collarbone, the smooth feel of the nape of her neck. Clarke opens herself to her touch, closing her eyes and leaning her head. "And we were really good at it," Lexa says. 

"We were." Clarke laughs and kisses her chin. "I'm glad we're having a second chance, though."

"I'm glad that you're here."

"Unfortunately, I'm running late. I have to go." Clake moves away, at least as much as she allowed when Lexa holds her hand. "I own Raven a night shift," Clarke explains.

"Yeah?" Lexa raises her eyebrows. "So much for being irresponsible, uh?" 

It's a simple commentary, but it changes something in her eyes. Clarke pulls Lexa outside to walk to the car with her, lost in her own thoughts. 

When Anya arrives with her army of two, they're in the middle of a kiss. 

"Goodbye, Clarke," Lexa says, trying to force herself to move away. "Thank you for staying."

"Thank you for-"

"We get it, you like her!" Anya screams interrupting Clarke, the kids laugh and this time is Lexa who rolls her eyes. 

"We're going to the McDonalds," Aden announces. 

Lexa looks at Anya.

"You're judging," Anya says.

"And I have to work," Clarke says. "Have fun for me."

Aden surprises them by hugging Clarke to say goodbye, and Anya even messes her hair. 

Madi waves as they walk away. "Goodbye, Clarke!" 

"Goodbye, Madi."

"Goodbye, Clarke!" Madi says again. 

"Goodbye!" Clarke answers.

"Goodbye!" Madi repeats, louder as they move away.

"Goodbye!" Clarke says back.

"Goodbye!" Madi says again. 

And this is how starts:

"Goodbye!"

"Goodbye!"

"Goodbye!"

"Goodbye!"

"Goodbye!"

"Goodbye!"

They're not even looking at each other. Clarke is walking to her car, Madi beside the others towards the opposite direction. Madi says goodbye over and over and over again. And every time, without fault, Lexa hears Clarke answering. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... this is it. it actually was this last scene what I saw from my window and that inspired me to write this fic. The relationship between the kid and this woman that came to spend the day in the pool with them was so cute, I had to make it about clexa. And this story is what came out of it. I hope you liked it! 
> 
> thanks for the kudos and comments :)

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be a new year fic but it ended up becoming its own thing. i'll post soon the next part
> 
> ps: i had to updated because this shit show can't even decide the name of a character and they changed from "Maddie" to "Madi"


End file.
